This Saturday I went out to dinner with my husband, his parents, and his brother & wife. We had just gotten to dinner when my mom texted me and said "Grandpa is dying". I quickly excused myself from the table and called my mom. She was crying and I knew it wasn't good. She told me that I would have to leave now if I were to make it to see him. I guess I didn't realize it was so close to him passing. I instantly felt the need to be there.
I had teared up a bit so I went into the bathroom to clean up my now smeared makeup. My mother in law Tracey followed me into the bathroom to check on me. I told her he wasn't doing well so we prayed for him. We prayed for painless and quick passage for him, We prayed that he would go to be with The Lord. Just as we finished our prayer and I wiped my eyes and nose, my mother text me. Her text read " He died." As much as I know about the Lord and about the peace he brings us, it didn't stop the pain from hitting my heart. I cried my eyes out in the arms of my mother in law while in the bathroom of a fancy restaurant.
When I finally gathered my composure and cleaned up my now extremely smeared makeup, I walked back to the dinner table. I do not like to cry in front of anyone, including my husband. As I sat down at the table all my family looked at me and I just couldn't help but tear up. I wanted to leave so badly but they had already ordered and our food wasn't there yet. I felt numb and raw all at the same time. I knew if someone told me they were sorry or if anyone even acknowledged what was going on I would have a break down and cry in front of everyone. My throat ached from the knot that refused to go away.
I ordered a bottle of wine and drank the whole thing down. It took the edge off the sadness and made me feel like I could make it through dinner without becoming a hysterical mess. I couldn't even look at my husband, if I did I would start crying. Once dinner was over, I was relieved to get into the car and rest my head on my husbands shoulder. I was holding myself together quite well, despite the pain in my heart.
After a few minutes of riding in silence my father in law turned on the radio. Music filled the car. The song that was playing was "Need you now" by Plumb . I had listened to this song so many times before and it had helped me to get through some very large personal struggles. I couldn't help it, my heart broke into a million pieces. I cried into my husbands chest and I held onto him as tightly as I could.
I knew God put that song on just for me. I know without a shadow of doubt that God knew I needed a reminder of my faith in him. I came home and looked up a couple of scriptures that have given me a peace that can only come from The Lord,
"Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you. " John 16:22
" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:1.
I know that my grandpa is with The Lord and they are dancing and singing with joy. He is with his mother and father, his brothers and sisters. I know he is at peace now. I am comforted by my faith in Christ. I know someday I will be dancing and singing with my grandpa and the Lord. Until then, I love you Grandpa, may you watch over us always.
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| My Great Grand Father- Paul Harris <3 |
